And when the Serbs cracked down, destroying homes and entire villages, those obligations became heavier. “Then we hope to find out what these women really want, as opposed to what we think they want,” Dobruna said, her chair pressed close to an electric heater at her poorly heated center, a hot cup of coffee in her hands. Now, with many ethnic Albanian men albanian mail order brides off in the rebel Kosovo Liberation Army or in exile abroad, the women find themselves in charge, and often the men don’t like it. The traditional patriarchal society among ethnic Albanians, who make up 90 percent of the people in this poor southern province of Serbia, was showing cracks even before hostilities broke out with Serbian security forces.
I do try to reconnect with my Albanian heritage somewhat but after hearing some Albanians insult my Turkish heritage it discourages one to pursue this. I am not trying to say all Albanians but I never understand why some Albanians hate Turks so much that they boo our national anthem at a football game.
There’s a phrase that has always been used by Albanian people and that I sometimes still hear. When a boy gets married, the parents and relatives say, “We married him.” That doesn’t make any sense conceptually, one decides to get married and does it.
Being born or raised in a country that is not that of your parents brings numerous benefits. There is also a substantial Albanian population in Toronto, which may provide the opportunity to gain first-hand insights into Albanian culture from within Canada. As a Mediterranean country, Albania has both a very rich and special cuisine, and you can find superb restaurants anywhere. Albania is a country with all types of climate and geography and this makes her a pleasure to explore. Albanians do not harass people due to their class, origin or ethnicity.
In Kosovo, marriage is seen differently, there’s no concept of taking your time before making such a decision; on the contrary, you are pressured to hurry up and do it. In Italy, when people talked about marriage, I heard phrases like, “Be calm, it’s an important step, you have to think about it 1,000 times.” This is something I’ve never heard from my people yet. You are both countries, you represent them in the best way possible and can be proud of being something different from the masses.
Then it’s on to issues such as sexually transmitted diseases and family planning. Both women had made their way to Pristina more than five months after they left their destroyed village of Iglarevo. Dobruna interrupted the interview to meet with two women who came to the center with newborn babies. “They take care of the children, the family finances, running the farms,” Dobruna said.
I get that we were at war centuries ago but I think it’s over the top that Albanians still hold hatred for Turks even considering that Turks don’t hold the same view and some would even consider Albanians to be brothers. It’s funny to me that Albanians will remember some battles that took place in Ottoman-era but they forget that Turkey was one of the NATO countries that helped in Kosovo and Bosnia against Serbian aggression.
I am Albanian and this text doesn’t doesn’t reflect Albanian culture and nation. Humans are tribal beings and each and everyone likes to stick with their own. It is not better for an Albanian to marry a non-Albanian; an Albanian marrying an Albanian is not wrong and and Albanian parents who want their kids to marry Albanians are just like German parents who want their kids to marry Germans and so on. Although I have a different nationality, but I’ve seen the fact you discussed about in my family and it really hurts.
But I feel it anyway, because that worry was born in my head a long time ago. Growing up, I began to focus on the differences between Italy and Kosovo in terms of understanding life, in particular concerning this topic.
If you really want to protect Albanian ethnicity from ‘dying out’, start by loving and respecting your country. Try to make it a better place to live, report corruption and injustice when you see it, do your civic duties and eventually, if everyone does this, the standard of living will go up and people will stop leaving for EU. This will be much more effective than trying to prevent Albanians from marrying whoever they love. According to Dobruna, the first step in educating women is teaching them they are masters of their bodies.
Though respected in a traditional way, they never had decision-making roles in family or society. With the men working abroad or off fighting, the women found themselves with new responsibilities.
All these things are considered more important than a person’s happiness by our people. And even if you don’t care, like me, the pressure keeps playing its role in your mind.
Specially the guys of these cultural types feel so responsible for the feelings of their family and falling in love turns into a big and unsolvable moral dilemma. That’s why one summer night, I slept in the airport of Stuttgart to catch a plane at 6 a.m. If she had been of any other nationality, I obviously wouldn’t have done it.